She slept in the white light of the moon and a sky full of hand picked stars. There were no one there, just a tinge of moist air and her black and blue hair. She moved like a serpent. And the gaping space between her legs was her solitude. She placed herself in alien hands for direction, sleeping in a fever of dreams.

Cut Flowers on the Sidewalk

I feel like an explorer, emerging from my shell to raise cautious antenna. People are scary, so many of them. I ooze around the corner, halting, hesitant, then slide across these crowded sidewalks, wishing my soft body would sprout wings and fly like the beautiful women I see flitting from the Korean’s shop to the Chinese food place. Cut flowers on the sidewalk. Where I come from they grow wild in the fields.

Waves

We thrive off human connections, it’s the only thing that actually creates happiness. Sometimes I forget and I’d rather be alone-in the depths of my own thoughts. Often, we get stuck in negative thought patterns. When we’re in such places in our minds, it feels as if it’s impossible to find a way out. We’re inside the undertow and it’s engulfing us. Negativity is a wave inside our brain… and just like all waves, they must break and sizzle out.

With my eyes shut... I can feel peace. I can mend my heart. I can flee from evil to a place where the people and things that make me happy surrounds me. I will not be dragged down to your level. I will not fill my heart with pain for those who do not care.

But I never meant to upset you. I never meant to seem selfish for hiding my body and personal experiences. I never even meant to cross lives with you. It's funny how such a thing directly related to me was also so out of my control. Have we met before but never spoken? You talk of me as if you know me but it's clear you know nothing about me.

I am vulnerable behind my camera. But I made rules to hide from you, so that I could be myself and be open. You did the opposite. Your eyes were drowned in hate before me, but I never noticed you there. I wrote on my earlier entries titled Look at me. I am as naked as the palm of my hands. months ago,
"You hate when I hide, you hate when I don't."
You hate that I'm not exactly where you want me to be but you hate me when I am. I can not please you. But... I don't even want to.

I hide under pieces of fabric where my skin and bones are mine and my body is one I hold close to. You hide because it is that in which you may conceal yourself and hide your identity from your hostile behavior. There's fulfillment in damaging someone's emotions, reputation, and safety but the same flaw you accuse me of, seems to be more prevalent in you.

Completely driven in finding flaws in others... but no matter how low you go, you go on your own. I knew nothing about you but that your heart is genuinely cold. And that was already more than you would ever know about me. I never cared to have war- never put my fists up, never stood up for myself. Didn't you just happened to cross lives with me when you decided to put me into yours?


I always believed that the only life worth living is one in which you realize it doesn't last forever. I hope you discover respect and love for others. I will go to a place where my heart is surrounded by the very opposite of everything you are. Let the waves crash forward and just like that, it washes away. Time doesn't wait for you. You should worry about yourself first before you begin to judge others. To be so negative only makes you grow bitter. To try to hurt others only makes you cold.